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Will anyone else I know be headed out there?
Here's the main memorial vid:
Connie Sabin: A Celebration of Her Life from Katje Sabin on Vimeo.
And here's the one of her photography:
Connie Sabin's photography from Katje Sabin on Vimeo.
Thanks, everyone, for your patience and support. I can't believe it's only been 24 days since she left us... it feels like a year.
road trip!
Originally uploaded by mamagotcha.
woke up antsy, badgered bill and linc into joining me on a spontaneous
trip to the flatland juggling festival in lincoln, nebraska. w00t!
--klsabin
Julia took most of these... thanks, Jules!
All done
Originally uploaded by mamagotcha.
It went great. Thanks for the good wishes, everyone. We fly back first
thing tomorrow.
--klsabin
Video is done and burned and tested. I'm building a memorial for my mom at the church... Julia made a big signboard full of all her pins, ID tags, and other bits. A table will have an assortment of her nursing tools, crafts, photos, favorite foods and music, sculptures from her travels... lots of goodies so people from all the different threads of her life can get a glimpse of other facets of her. Amanda is doing balloons; she found some gorgeous ones. Yes, I'll try to remember to take lots of pictures!
I got to chat this morning with Cordell in Japan... he's here in spirit, we know. He cited a specific memory of his grandmother in a letter he sent to be read at the service, and a similar event was also recorded in my mom's clippings, complete with a photo of him... it was very cool to see that the same thing was important to both of them. I scanned the clipping and sent it to him. I hope it makes him feel a little better about not being able to be here.
Today, I'll be seeing people I haven't seen in 10, 15, 20 years or more. This is both exhilarating and anxiety-provoking.
Well, here goes...
Of course, any friends in the area are certainly welcome to join the celebration, whether you knew her personally or not... she was always up for meeting new folks, and she definitely subscribed to the notion of "the more, the merrier!" It would also be fabulous to meet/visit with you.
Julia arrived yesterday, and has been a huge help. She even got to visit a bit with my Aunt Kathy, who hadn't seen her since she was about four. The boys arrive tomorrow.
My days have been filled with the search for photos... my mom was always shooting pictures, and we have about a million of the kids, but there are very, very few shots of HER. One rich source of images involved donning a full hazmat suit... photographic evidence and story coming up soon. Julia and I are down to the last few boxes, and I'll start scanning in earnest once my laptop arrives.
A million thanks to the friends back in KC who are helping with Bill and the boys.
Back to the picture mines...
It's all a whirl... so many tiny details, but they're all slowly coming together.
Virtual hugs to Paul and Lorraine as they prepare for Edith's memorial tomorrow.
Thank you, everyone, for your emails and phone calls and kind wishes. I'm sorry I'm not able to respond better... I've got very little 'net access here, and my phone doesn't work. I've been able to read and listen to them all, though, and they all bring calm and peace to my chaotic days here. I'm am so grateful for your help and support and kindness.
Ring on chain on me
Originally uploaded by mamagotcha.
I'm wearing my sister's necklace, with my mother's wedding ring.
Today was a little easier. Wrote the bones of both the memorial and the
obituary. Found my mom's digital camera (with the last photos she ever
took) and ordered a scanner to help build the memorial. Took brownies to
the nurses at the hospital where she spent the last few weeks... if I
learned nothing else at my mother's knee, it was to always be good to
the nurses.
The more I go through her papers and belongings, the more justification
I've found for not being closer to her for the last few years; I've been
feeling the guilt and shame melting... I wasn't imagining things. And
yet... at the same time, the more I've learned about her challenges and
motivations, and the more I've wished I could have somehow overcome the
breech. Still... while I may wish things may have been different, I
don't feel regret... more wistful. Maybe this will change... once it
sinks in that she's really gone... but for now, I'm going to accept all
the grace I possibly can.
Another thought about guilt: being relieved that her ordeal is over does
not mean we are glad she's gone.
Life is good
Originally uploaded by mamagotcha.
It's a spectacular day... warbling birdies and bright flowers and soft
sunshine. My mom's garden is truly buzzing with activity.
Woke up at oh-god o'clock, Dad and Kathy still sleeping even after I
showered and sorted through a bunch of Mom's clothes.So I snuck off on
my own for a bit, headed to my favorite haunt in nearby Cotati to work
on the obit. Ordered a mix of good and horrible things for breakfast
(the fresh-squeezed carrot/apple/ginger juice would prolly kill poor
Bill). The Redwood Cafe clerk recognized me, asked what was wrong... I
told him, and this pierced and tattooed longhaired guy in a Ministry
shirt didn't hesitate one beat, just came around the counter and wrapped
me in a huge hug.
Yesterday was The Great Safe Deposit Box Key Hunt... took almost the
entire day, but wicktory was eventually mine! (It was very safely hidden
in an inner pocket of an otherwise empty cloth purse, in a pile of
quilting materials and Sierra Club solicitations.)
Thankfully, there's been a minimum of family drama, that traditional
staple of major transitions (knock wood). Sorting through massive
quantities of paper to sift out items for the memorial and important
records has been a task fraught with alternate joy and pain. I feel like
I'm being a filter for my dad, bringing him the little treasures and
treats, and dealing with the crud so he doesn't have to. It's an honor
to do it... but it's hard, too. Aunt Kathy and my sister and Julia and
Bill and Mary have all been holding my hand through it, thankfully.
Called a ton of people... to my surprise and relief, the vast majority
had the courtesy to be away from the phone so I could just leave my
message without having to be sociable (though her hairdresser Rocky was
fun to talk to... boy, I hope he makes it to the service). Speaking of,
the memorial will be at 2pm on Monday, June 22, at Cross & Crown
Lutheran Church on Snyder in Rohnert Park.
A million things to say... all a blur in my mind. I'm sure I'll be
writing more soon... just wanted to let you all know I'm doing OK at the
moment, feeling raw and a little daunted by the task ahead, but also
gaining some confidence now that I've tackled a bit and found my support
foundations. My dad seems to be handling things well, too.
So... onward!
Another passing
Originally uploaded by mamagotcha.
My mother, Constance Vivian Pomeroy Sabin, passed from this Earth today
at 5:15 pm... a few hours before I was able to be with her. Her nurses
said she had a beautiful, peaceful, dignified death... she was sleeping
most of the day, but woke up and smiled when some women from her church
came to sing for her.... she slipped away soon after that.
I was able to spend some time with her tonight, and say goodbye.
I know you love me, Mom. I love you, too. You did the best you could
with what you had, and so did I.
(This is a crappy picture of tonight's incredibly beautiful sunset)
Peace to you... to us all. Godspeed.
-
I need to fly back to Chicago soon, and I'm not at all looking forward to being on a plane.
Whine whine whine. Thanks for listening. Gonna go have another dose of Vitamin I and ice it for a while. Hope your week is going better!
We're all sad, but it wasn't a bad or unexpected death. I hope Linc remembers her... we'll keep showing him pictures and talking about her, that should help.
Bill and I were talking about whether to ask for any of her personal items. I think perhaps we'll ask for one of her favorite cooking tools... a wooden spoon, perhaps... something that will be in our lives daily and that will remind us of her. She was a fantastic cook and I'm so glad I was invited to eat at her table.
I've been feeling kinda old lately... creaky back and such. Then it occurred to me... I'm less than half the age she reached.
Our thoughts are with Paul and Lorraine today. I hope things go smoothly and stress-free as possible.
– Dr. George Tiller (1941-2009)
My response to the response: Asking you to consider the heartbreaking choices facing mothers carrying dying children is offensive and not a valid point in this discussion?
It was a serious question. I don't think you, or anyone else, can presume to pass judgment on a decision between a woman and her doctor... at least, not without demonstrating a superior knowledge of the ethics and medicine that led them to that decision. Asking you to justify the imposition of your belief upon others seemed appropriate.
No, I certainly don't feel threatened by your prayers. Prayer is a wonderful tool to help people sort out their feelings and motivations. Honest prayer seeking clarity and compassion can be a powerful source of personal growth. I encouraged you to practice MORE prayer, in fact.
I don't bash pro-lifers... I truly respect their position and in many ways, I share it. However, I do bash anyone who presumes to limit liberties and impose values without a significant compelling public interest, and who fall back on religious faith instead of fact and reason for their impetus.
You are refusing to engage in a debate that you yourself chose to ignite (with your "tragic" comment). I know full well that debate will never change anybody's mind... but it can be a useful method to create mutual understanding and seek common ground. It's hard to cling to an absolute universal value when shades of gray are introduced.
Educate, communicate, emulate... but, as when you practice AP (attachment parenting) and gentle discipline with your children, you cannot force or compel behavior if you truly want to change the underlying motivations for it. The sooner the pro-lifers figure this out, the faster we'll be able to join forces to effect social change in a positive direction.
"The pro-life side is also praying for (Dr. Tiller). Of course, we also pray for those whose lives he tragically affected."
My response:
(Poster's name), what exactly do you think Dr. Tiller did, wander around in a preschool picking off kids with a six-shooter?
Rest assured that if there were ways to prevent ending a pregnancy of a viable and healthy fetus, he pursued them with the parents. The lives he ended were lives that were already doomed, or endangering their mothers, or some other horrific situation that I'm certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you and I have neither experience with nor any place to second-guess the decision of those involved.
Who are you -- who is anybody -- to say that ending a pregnancy early is more tragic than the alternative? You and your fellow petitioners have got to understand one thing: the lives involved were ALREADY tragically affected. All Dr. Tiller did was help people mitigate that tragedy in some way.
Yes, keep praying. Keep praying for those poor little lost babies, and while you're at it, maybe pray for those mothers who have had to make the choice between the unthinkable and the impossible... and make sure you add a prayer that you never become one of them, because their path has just become a LOT harder to walk.
Talked with my sister, Julia, and my dad; all had good news. The best was that my mom is off 24-hour dialysis, and while she's not yet showing any significant kidney improvement, it's not getting worse. They'll be taking her out of ICU soon. Also, she's waking up a bit, and talking with my dad.
Sat on the porch in the summery air, messing with my nails, reading "Portable Childhood" (a collection of short stories by Ellen Klages), enjoying a nommy sandwich Clay made for me with a virgin Mojito from Bill, researching for a story of my own, and keeping an eye on Linker. Then we headed off for the cinema.
Two thumbs up for the "Star Trek" movie. ( Brief review behind the cut due to slight spoilers... )
The Cinema Suites experience was awesome. We spent an additional $10 each on food and a beer, so the total for the whole date was $65 (which is about what you'd pay for dinner and a movie anyway). Not something to do every month, but certainly for a special treat, it was terrific. My salad with chicken strips was satisfying if not exceptional, and the 20-oz. Blue Moon had to be finished by Bill (or else I wouldn't have made it through the movie). The recliner seats were easy to melt into and relax. The service was great, the food not bad at all.
Came home to the horrible news of George Tiller's assassination, and wrote about it a bit here.
Bill finished the raspberry coulis for the torte, and we had a slice. It was velvety and dark and rich, and the bright, tart berries and soft, sweet whipped cream were the perfect foil for the bitter chocolate. Mmmm, and there's more for today!
Then to bed with the new box fan, ahhhhh...
This morning, I woke with a teeny headache to remind me of my indulgences (which is already fading)... and a wonderful memory of a fabulous day. Thank you all for your kind birthday wishes! I'm a lucky gal indeed, to have such friends to witness and share my ups and downs with. This last year has been pretty downish... I'm looking forward to sharing a year filled with UP now!
The women the hospice worked with mostly decided to carry their babies until labor started (or a c-section was scheduled)... and some had pretty major price to pay regarding their health. But I know not all women given this dilemma will make that choice, and they should never be forced to.
I wish these hysterical right-to-lifers could sit down with these women and hear their stories, look at their faces, hold their hands. Dr. Tiller offered them one way to deal with their dilemma, but in no way was it an easy way out. Perhaps it brought the inevitable on a bit faster, but no... it was not easier.
My heart breaks for the Tiller family, and for his clients, and for his friends. Once again, the religious right has shown themselves to be the bastion of the violent, the vicious and the insane. Until they begin to rein in their rhetoric, and the reckless way they've goaded their followers, this kind of horror will only continue.
What a stupid waste. I hope Dr. Tiller's brave life, and his pointless death, serve to bring about a quicker resolution to this debate. The sooner religion is pulled out of the equation, the better. If your religion guides your behavior, dandy... but keep your theology off my body and out of my family's most private and difficult decisions.
ETA: A reminder for those who didn't get it the first time.
